Dancing With the Stars

September 19, 2011

Running commentary, as long as I feel like it:

Ron Artest looks like he may prove to be another shambling man-mass (what we used to call Master P back in the day).  I haven’t seen him dance yet, I’m just guessing by appearance.

Um, I so love Carson Kressly and I love Anna T.  They may be my favorite couple to start with (Sean: “Wow, is he gay.” Me: “Yes, I think he’s pretty secure in that.)  Also, Arquette.

Chaz Bono looks really nervous.

AWWWWWWWWW Artest’s four-year-old went through chemo?  I just stopped disliking him.  Why do they always start with a cha cha?    Wow, he’s… tall and awkward and looks a little Rodman-y with that hair.  And, um, shiny pants.  He moves so oddly.  And has an outie bellybutton.  Wow, he REALLY resembles the Worm.

I am just so fond of all the judges on this show.  Seriously.

I refuse to call this guy anything but “another Kardashian”.

Me: “We’ll get a snack at the next commercial.”

C: “Mommy, when is the next commercial going to come?”

OH, THERE’S David Arquette!  He got a cute haircut!  He looks adorable.

Dear Kristin Cavallari, I could not possibly care less, and being partnered with Mark Ballas ain’t helping.  Can we cut you, Ricki Lake, and Nancy Grace right now?  And the Kardashian?  Do you have something to do with Heidi Montag or something?  I don’t watch MTV.  (Old and boring, or maybe above all that.)  That said, you have a nice butt.

Chynna Phillips is gorgeous.  I want to age that well.  Then again, she’s probably not much older than I am.

Oh, Tom.  I missed you.  I did not miss Brooke Burke.  She’s like a nonentity. (C: “Mommy, there’s someone on TV and he starts with a T, you know who he is?  TOM!”)

Nancy Grace is gross.  Something about her annoys and grosses me out.  Dang.  She didn’t suck as much as I hoped she would.  Hopefully people will dislike her as much as I do and pitch her out?

“If you thought the ballroom was fabulous before, wait til you see it when I get done with it.  NEED MORE GLITTER OVER HERE!”  Carson, I see you’re doing a lot to overcome gay man stereotypes.  Rock on with your bad self.

ARQUETTE!  He’s so cute.  I wish he and Courtney Cox had made it, they were one of my favorite celebrity couples ever, but they at least seem to be getting along well still.  AND DANCING TO QUEEN!  Love.  And with Kym who’s one of my faves.  He’s a little awkward, but still good.  AW, Courtney is in the audience with their little girl!  (Can I still count them as a favorite celebrity couple?)

Elisabetta Canalis= whatever.  OK, I do like her music choice, though.   And the partner, who shall henceforth be known as The Other Chmerkovsky.

Hope Solo is going to wear a lot of costumes to show her abs.  Damn, girl.  (Sean: “Where do I know that song from?” Me: “The first Dave Matthews album?” Sean: “Oh yeah.” This is funny if you realize that that album was basically the theme song to our entire freshman year of college.)

I am going to enjoy Carson Kressly if he lasts for his willingness to actually AMP UP his natural flaming tendencies for the sake of the ballroom.  Doesn’t surprise me Bruno liked him, since Bruno does the same thing.

JR Martinez could be, like, Seal’s little brother.  (Similarly awesome, same “huh” with the facial issues, but probably far more badass).  Usually Karina gets the pretty boys.  It makes me wonder if they wanted her to stop sleeping with her partners?  (Sorry.  Something about her just screams “nondiscriminatory” to me.)

Oh, god.  Ricki Lake.  Don’t get me start.  She’s a menace and she’s dangerous.  And her plus Smarmalicious Derek Hough is a Black Hole of Suck.  Also, I’ve seen her naked in her horrible documentary, and… the documentary was bad manipulative crap.  You know, I don’t have a lot of middle ground this season. Usually there are a few I’m vaguely intrigued by and only like 1-2 I don’t care for.

I want Chaz Bono to quote Meg in the Family Guy movie.  “My NAME is RON.”  I totally have missed what the controversy is about with him dancing.  Because reality shows are usually so into traditional lifestyles?  The biggest problem I see is that he’s probably the most overweight person to start the show (I said “heaviest” at first, and then remembered the gigantic Penn Jillette), and that Lacey’s on the tall side for him.  It might be interesting to see how he does as far as if there are essential male/female shapes/movements/forms that become an issue.  I mean, women have a different bone and muscle structure, which would not have changed for him, and I’m sure dancing is based at least somewhat on being built differently… though probably overcomable, it’s not something that I bet most dancers have thought about.

Love: David Arquette, Carson Kressly

Hate: Ricki Lake, Nancy Grace

Vaguely Intrigued: Ron Artest (but only because he has a little girl and resembles Rodman), Chaz Bono

Don’t Care for and Could Do Without: Kristin Cavawhatever, The Other Kardashian

Actually Indifferent:  Hope Solo, JR Martinez, Chynna Phillips

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