The Princess Bride

September 24, 2011

One of my most favorites of all time, and a friend mentioned two weeks ago that her boys went nuts for it… and it occurred to me that I’d never shown it to the girls.  So I broke it out for C tonight.  It quickly occurred to me that, while a great story, Buttercup is not one we call a “good role model” princess.  Also, C is really interested in people killing one another.  Running commentary, notes taken live:

(note: includes spoilers for a 24-year-old movie):

C: Is that the princess?
Me: No, babe.  That’s Fred Savage.  This is what we call a framing device.

Me: He’s leaving her to go get a job so he can take care of her.  Ladies aren’t allowed to work in those days.

Me: He’s worried its a kissing story.  He doesn’t like kissing stories.  Do you?
C: Oh, yes.

Note- C completely and quickly understood Westley being murdered by pirates offscreen.  And that Buttercup didn’t want another boy and was not happy to be picked by the prince.  I thought that was good plot comprehension.

C: the princess is a good swimmer!

C (on the eels): Is she gonna kill them?  She’ll not like to be eaten.

Me:  Who do you think is in the boat?
C: The the bad boy!

Vizzini: The cliffs of insanity!
C: (gasp) A volcano!!!!

C: Is she going to kill em?
Me: This particular princess isn’t really a tough girl.  Sorry.

Me: Who do you think the man in black is?
C: The bad prince who want to marry her.  Is he going kill him?

Vizzini: He didn’t fall? Inconceivable!
C: Is she going kill them?

Having trouble explaining both the prince being bad and the kidnappers.  Two levels of bad guys is confusing to a 4 year old, so I keep calling them “the funny kidnappers”.

Me: He’s a mystery man in black.
C: Is he a superhero who saves children?
Me: Could be.

Me: The kidnapper wants him up so they can fight.
C: Cause that’s a good game.  It’s good they got up because now they’re going to talk.

Me: He’s looking for a six- fingered man.
C: On his toes too?

C: Is the one in the black gonna get blooded?  The kissnapper does a good job.  He flips!  He gots the longest one.
Me: The kissnapper?
C: The kissnapper’s a good fighter!  (Note- the kissnappers inexplicably and shortly after this changed to “kid snatchers”).

C: I gotta tell daddy that.  Daddy, that boy just hit him in the head with a sword!  Hahahahahha….

C:  I I could kill that big boy with a rock, it would go right up around you, and you would be so proud of me.
Yes…. my child just declared her ability to beat Andre the Giant with a rock.  I suppose I’d be proud, if she had a legitimate reason to do so.  Except that he’s, you know, already dead, and probably wasn’t a bad guy.

C: He could kick him where his boy parts is.  Where his penis is.  That’s funny.
Sean:  That’s not funny.
Me: Oh, come on,  a groin shot’s funny when its not you.
Sean: Next, on “Ow, My Balls”….

C now thinks that the man in black is a superhero who wants to marry her first…

Me: Her boyfriend was killed by pirates, remember.
C: But he came back!
Me: You think? What happened to him, and who is the superhero?
C:  He’s a superhero who want to marry her.
Man…. I thought shed figured it out for a moment.

C : (on blindfolds) He put the napkin around her head and tied it!  That’s a bad boy.  She should kill him.

C: Is she gonna marry the superhero?
Me: Remember, she didn’t want to marry anyone after her boyfriend died.
C: Well, maybe she found another one.

Me: I’ll tell you something worse.  She’s actually going to marry Sean Penn.
C: Sean? That’s my daddy’s name.

C: She was riding a horse and some kid snatchers came.  But he make them all lay down and go to sleep.

Me: The pirates didn’t kill him after all!
C: He killed them! It was a good adventure.

Me: You know what’s in the swamp?
C: Crocodiles and alligators?
Me: Something called  the R.O.U.S.
C:  Is it scary????
Me: Yep.
C: (gasp) I have to go potty!

C: They don’t want to touch the vines cause they kind of dangerous and pointy.

Me: She’s not a tough princess like you.
C:  If I got the fire, I put it out with a bowl of water.  If I was there, she could hold onto me.

C: When is the A.T.O.P.S. coming?
Me: The R.O.U.S.  Hey, there’ s one.  What does that look like?
C: A spooky animal!

C: I it looks like a BAD DOG!!!

C: Is he just going blood him instead?

Me: It looks kind of like the opossum from Nana and Joe Bob’s, doesn’t it?
C: Yeah, he wanted to eat us.

C: She gets taken away three times.
Me: Yeah, a lot of times
C: She’s not a tough girl.  Three times.  First the kid snatchers, next her boyfriend, now the bad prince who wants to marry her.
Me: Huh, guess that is three times.  Good counting.

Me: They’re going to torture him!
C: What’s that?
Me: Hurt him.
C: Like falling asleep?
Me: Not at all.

C: His boobs are kind of crazy!  He’s crying, cause he wants to have his girl back.  He too hard to kill.  They just gotta squish him.

C: It’s the kid snatchers!  Are they all there?
Me: Just these two. The other one got dead
C: They gonna have lunch.

C: Are they gonna be good ones now?
Me: Yep. They want to find the superhero, her boyfriend.
C: They gonna apologize and hug him and take him to the hospital, since he hurt.
Me:….. um, yeah, basically.
C:I I know this movie.  (Note: she doesn’t.)

Me: Her boyfriend is in the dungeon! Who’s going to save him?
C: The superhero!
Me: Remember, her boyfriend is the superhero.  The…. kid snatchers will save him!

Me: So when bad guys become good, they hug and apologize?
C: Yes, that’s nice.

C: Is that a wizard? He kinda silly.  He talks kinda funny too.
Me: His name is Billy Crystal, and he’s playing a Jewish stereotype.

C: They’re all gonna team together!  The kid snatchers and the boyfriend.

Me: How will they get past the guards?
C: They gonna kill them.
Me: Maybe they should scare them.
C: They should say boo.

C: She gonna say, ‘ Oh! Kid snatchers are here to kill me!’  But they say, ‘ No, we gonna rescue you instead ‘. (C VERY worried that Buttercup would be afraid of Inigo and Fezzik.  Come to think about it, that’s a good point that the movie didn’t touch on.)

Inigo: Hello.  My name is Inigo Montoya.  You killed my father.  Prepare to die.
C: He the best kid snatcher I ever seen!

C: He throw a sword right into his stomach.  Oh no!
Me: Yeah, that’s not good.
C: It’s a little silly.

Me: He cut him on the face, just like his own scars.
C: He gonna cut him on the mustache?

Prince: To the death!
C: Not again!

C: I they got married all over each other!

Overall… I think it was a hit.


2 Responses to “The Princess Bride”

  1. Deb Warren said

    This post wins ALL THE INTERNETS!!!!
    And it occurs to me, that Autumn has never watched Princess Bride. Although, she’d probably run off at a lot of the different parts. Hrm….something to consider.

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