People Who Are Not People

September 16, 2013

It’s been a while, but:

Valerie Harper is not Valerie Bertenelli.

Andrew Dice Clay is not Lou Diamond Phillips is not Edward James Olmos.

And finally, and this is a recurring biggie for me, Joss Whedon is not J. J. Abrams and neither of them are Judd Apatow.


Oscar Fashion

February 24, 2013

Above expectations:

  • Jennifer Aniston.  Wow.  The red.  She looked very much like herself but absolutely the best I’ve ever seen her.
  • Jennifer Garner.  Also a surprise (like Aniston) since she usually looks fine but meh.  But I loved the purple and the fluffy thing.
  • Stacey Kiebler.  Wow, has she classed it up.  My favorite of the metallics.
  • Catherine Zeta-Jones.  Didn’t expect much just because I haven’t seen her in a while, but she looked gorgeous.

Met expectations:

  • Halle Berry.  Always looks good.  Looked good.
  • Queen Latifah- and that’s a good thing in her case.  I liked her ponytail.
  • Charlize.  Of course.
  • Jessica Chastain.  I’m not really sure who she is or where she came from, but she was very classy but not extraordinary.
  • Adele.  I expected awful and matronly.  That’s what I got.
  • Helena Bonham Carter.  Crazy and unkempt.  Par for the course.
  • Sandra Bullock.  I’d like to see her try color someday.

Below expectations:

  • Anne Hathaway.  She’s been bugging lately.  The short cut makes her nose look huge.  The dress was harsh.  The cutouts on the back weren’t sexy because SHE isn’t sexy.
  • Kristen Chenowith.  Too much fake tan and eye makeup, and the hair was too harsh.  This makes me sad since I love her.
  • Reese.  It wasn’t bad, but not up to her usual standards.  The black band on it messed it up and the color wasn’t spectacular.
  • Naomi Watts.  WTF is that?

How come I missed, until tonight, knowing there was an episode of Star Trek: The Next Generation that deals with a little girl dying and her mother carrying grief and guilt about it for 30 years?!?!?!  Especially since this SNUCK UP ON ME in the episode?  HOW I ASK YOU HOW?

In less alarming news, I also now know there was an episode of Star Trek: The Next Generation featuring Kirsten Dunst.
Also, tonight I got to see the episode featuring the cellular peptide cake.  With mint frosting.  Which is a much less upsetting episode.

So really, it was a wash, except for Alice, who happened to wander in just at the end of the dead-little-girl storyline (which also featured Deanna Troi sitting in some sort of precursor to a Bumbo) and get squished all to hell by an upset me.  She allowed this for perhaps 5 minutes.  Good thing.  Or I’d have squished harder.

1.  My parents are in town- dad retired!  I’m terribly proud of him and I hope he enjoys it.  I’m a little worried my kids are going to run him ragged… but come on, they’ve got to be more fun than work, especially since he can give them back to me.  It looks like they may actually come here for real!  My sister also may be in this direction eventually- she interviewed at a hospital nearby.  Actually, it’s the same one where C and A were seen as babies.

2.  Sean’s 35th birthday next week.  I’m going to get him a homebrew setup (he knows this).  He’s been into craft beers lately, I figured he can make his own.  And some for me.

3.  I have been stalking this etsy shop for a while.  Expensive but gorgeous and interesting sweater coats.  I dream of owning one… or learning to make this sort of thing myself.  I wish I had free time.  Maybe once I don’t have a nursing baby… or once I spend less time screwing around on the internet… then again, I’d be better off using that time to run more, probably.

No, I’m not a dirty hippie…. they just sort of appeal to the side of me that likes fantasy novels.

4.  Joe was baptized on Sunday!  Guests included my whole family, Sean’s whole family, Kathleen and Will, and Alex and Jackie (and their soon to be born fetus).

5. I just got the news today about Jillian Michaels not only bringing home her new 2-year-old daughter (who she’s been talking about on her podcast for months) but also having a brand new baby boy.  It almost made me tear up.  She wanted kids so badly and now she’s got two in one week- plus been somewhat forced out of the closet.  Good for her!  You listen to podcasts like hers or Adam Carolla’s and you start feeling like you know the podcaster, and I love all the mom stuff I’ve heard from her lately.

6.  A is getting much more wordy and talking a lot about diaper/potty stuff…. but still not doing what we want her to do as far as that goes.  I am DREAMING of the day of only one child in diapers.  Not today, Applejack.

7. 3.5 day weekend coming up!  Plus another 5K race…

More Celebrity Confusion

March 7, 2012

Olivia Munn is not Olivia Wilde.  I have no idea, however, which one of them was on House and which was in Cowboys and Aliens.

David Cross was Tobias and Tony Hale was Buster.  NOT THE OTHER WAY AROUND.

Robert DeNiro is not Al Pacino.

Danny DeVito is not Joe Pesci.

Bobby McFerrin sang “Don’t Worry Be Happy”, Bobby Brown did crack with Whitney Houston.

Wesley Snipes played Willie Mays Hayes in Major League and Dennis Haysbert played Pedro Serrano.  NOT THE OTHER WAY AROUND.

Laura Linney is not Laura Dern.

Alan Alda is not Adam Arkin.

Laura Kightlinger is not Laura Schlessinger.

Side note: I saw a side headline on the cover of this week’s People: ODD COUPLES!  For the example of an odd couple, there was a picture of Tom Cruise and Heather Locklear circa 1982.  How’s that odd?  I didn’t know they ever dated, but that sounds just about right to me, in 1982 anyway.

Of Course

January 16, 2012

For his first birthday on Jan. 6, Flynn Christopher received an extra sweet surprise from parents Miranda Kerr and Orlando Bloom: cake!

“It was the first cake he had ever seen or tasted. It was a gluten-free cake and organic, of course,” the model mama, 28, told PEOPLE.


Rob Reiner is not Bob Hoskins

Al Pacino is not Robert DeNiro

Joe Pesci is not Danny DeVito

Michelle Branch is not Vanessa Carlton

Ina Garten is not the Barefoot Contessa.  Nigella Lawson is not the Barefoot Contessa.  I’m not sure who is but she cooks.

I must note here that I do NOT get Bill Pullman and Bill Paxton confused.

Kyle McLachlan is not Kyle Chandler.  Every time I hear about this Friday Night Lights show, which I haven’t watched, I picture Trey from Sex and the City.

Javier Bardem is not Benicio Del Toro

Willie Garson was not in The Devil Wears Prada.  It was Stanley Tucci doing  a Willie Garson impersonation.

James Marsden is not James Franco

Elizabeth Banks is not Elizabeth Shue.  She’s way younger.  But they look alike!

Tobey Maguire is not Elijah Woods

Justin Long was not in Tropic Thunder.

Andrew Dice Clay is not Lou Diamond Phillips.  Neither are Edward James Olmos.

Mary McDonnell is not Mary Louise Parker.  Neither are the chick who was dying in Boys on the Side, I don’t think.

Paul Thomas Anderson is not Wes Anderson.

Phillip Michael Hall is not Phillip Seymour Thomas, and neither are Paul Thomas Anderson.  (Oddly, I do not get Anthony Michael Hall mixed up in here.)

Matthew Morrison did not play Donna Moss’s Republican boyfriend, but he looks a heck of a lot like the guy who did.

Zooey Deschanel is not Elisabeth Moss.  (Don’t even ask.  I don’t know.)

Zoe Saldana did not play Dualla.  (Oh, wait, I just figured out that Elisabeth Moss played a character named Zoe, which is why the Zooey Deschanel thing…)

I know the difference between Martin Sheen and Michael Douglas, but haven’t figured out yet why the world needs both of them.




But I really want either Rob Kardashian or JR Martinez to take this one.  And I’m going for Rob over JR because I find Karina Smirnoff to be unbearable.  Rob’s turned out to be surprisingly likeable.

Ricki Lake is a menace to society and I cannot stand Derek Hough.  I wouldn’t mind seeing Maksim win, but he was sort of whiny this season, and Hope Solo has teh Bitchface.